Post by Heat on Sept 24, 2008 9:27:52 GMT -5
It was brought to the attention of the Miami Heat organization that their back-up point guard and free agent acquisition Speedy Claxton had put the team's pay-roll over the Hard-cap.
The teams owners (Dr. Frankenfurter and Porn Icon Jenna Jamison) were enraged at poor financial management of GM and Coach Boomer Purser, and was even more discouraged at the thought of losing two draft picks because of it.
Boomer Purser assured the dynamic duo that this was not an error of numbers on his part, but had somehow slipped through the cracks.
After days of searching with his financial management team, Boomer Purser had cracked the case.
In 2003 Speedy Claxton only played in 24 games for the Nuggets do to legal troubles. The troubles where numerous and was cracking the foundation of Claxton's wallet, his money.
It seems that Speedy Claxton had a child in 1995, one in 96, three in 97, two in 98, and 1 in 2000. He then for what ever reason saw the error of his ways and acted a little more responsible, that is until 2003 where he fathered a whopping 6 children. That is 14 total children, by 13 different women.
The problem is Claxton never attempted to pay child support. One of the mothers of his bastard children formed a union. They called this union, The U.S.C (Union of Speedy's Children).
Much like the University of Southern California, the Union of Speedy's Children's mascot was also a Trojan, just a little different.
It seems that with the back child support, hospital bills, lawyers fee's, and penalties; Speedy was going to go bankrupt. The players union was not happy at all with the way the LBA had cast Claxton to the side like a bad egg.
President Derek Fisher and First Vice President Adonal Foyle came at the LBA with the wrath of El Nino. End result it seems that any LBA player with over 6 bastard children get an monthly Child support stipend of 70% of money owed. This Stipend also has to be paid my the Player's team, is not reported during contract negotiations, and is counted against the Hard Cap.
So it seems like this wasn't an error of numbers on Boomer Purser's part, but another way of the LBA Players Association getting more for the over paid, pampered, employees called players.
Harry Nuczak conducted many interviews with multiple parties involved, here are the comments:
Nuczak: So Coach Purser was your job ever in jeopardy during this taboggle.
Purser: No, I don't think so. Although at one point Jenna did tell me if I lost draft picks, that she'd have my balls. I didn't know weather I should be scared or excited. I love her work.
Nuczak: Ms. Jamison, what did you think when you first heard of this Hard-cap violation by your team.
______________________________
Jenna Jamison: I couldn't believe it at first. Coach Purser new the rules. We discussed them time and time again. He knew them better then anyone. He also made sure I knew them, so I wouldn't make any mistakes. Their where times when he would just come in my office and drill me all night.
Nuczak: So when league Commish threatend the 2 draft pick penalty what went through your mind.
Jenna Jamison: I was ready to fight it tooth and nail. I don't lay down for anyone. There's times I'm willing to bend over a little, but I don't lay down for just anyone. I mean that's just to much for me to swallow, and I've taken some loads before.
Nuczak: Wow, you said a lot there.
________________________________
Nuczak: Speedy, what do you think about being taken of the Heat roster and not being paid.
Claxton: I'm just saying, if I'm not getting paid neither are my kids. So basically the LBA managers don't care about kids. I mean I should have never been a free agent anyway. This isn't about winning basketball games it's about the future of our world.
Nuczak: What, I'm not following. If your saying it should be the leagues responsibility to put you on a roster, so your children are taken care of, still with really no help from you; I'd say that's a lot of BS.
Claxton: Bitch, I don't care what you think. That's why your asking the questions and I wear the jersey. Don't forget your place.
Nuczak: As far as I know, at this moment I'm the one with the job and your still not on a team and still not providing for your children.
Claxton: I'll slap the white off you honkey. I don't even know if them kids are all mine. I was only with they Mama like 20 minutes.
Nuczak: I guess that's why they call you Speedy. By the way all the test showed they where yours.
__________________________________
Nuczak: So _____ ______ (LBA leader that wished not to be named) how do you feel about this ruling in favor of the Players Association for the Child Support Stipend.
LBA Leader: When I first heard of it, I wasn't so sure, but after Mr. Foyle approached me and fill in the details, I knew it was a must have.
Nuczak: Really, Cause it sounds like crap to the rest of the world. Is it true you have a man crush on Adonal Foyle.
LBA Leader: What, that is untrue. I just think he is a very good leader and has the potential to be the best Center the LBA has ever seen. We need players like him.
Nuczak: O.K. Potential, but really He's never been really good at anything but packing people, which is basically what he did to the LBA administration, only from behind.
LBA Leader: How dare you speak to me like that. This interview is over.
_________________________________________
Nuczak: Dr. Frankfurter, how did all this affect you.
Dr. Frankfurter: It didn't Harry. I'm just a sweet Transvestite, Transsexual, from Transylvania, ia ia.
Nuczak: WHAT???, So, what did you suggest to Jenna. What are you doing, please sit down.
_________________________________________
We have no idea what happened next. Then interview ended, and this article was mailed to us. When ever we have more information on Harry Nuczak's wear abouts, well get it out.
Until then dress for summer cause the Heat is rising.
The teams owners (Dr. Frankenfurter and Porn Icon Jenna Jamison) were enraged at poor financial management of GM and Coach Boomer Purser, and was even more discouraged at the thought of losing two draft picks because of it.
Boomer Purser assured the dynamic duo that this was not an error of numbers on his part, but had somehow slipped through the cracks.
After days of searching with his financial management team, Boomer Purser had cracked the case.
In 2003 Speedy Claxton only played in 24 games for the Nuggets do to legal troubles. The troubles where numerous and was cracking the foundation of Claxton's wallet, his money.
It seems that Speedy Claxton had a child in 1995, one in 96, three in 97, two in 98, and 1 in 2000. He then for what ever reason saw the error of his ways and acted a little more responsible, that is until 2003 where he fathered a whopping 6 children. That is 14 total children, by 13 different women.
The problem is Claxton never attempted to pay child support. One of the mothers of his bastard children formed a union. They called this union, The U.S.C (Union of Speedy's Children).
Much like the University of Southern California, the Union of Speedy's Children's mascot was also a Trojan, just a little different.
It seems that with the back child support, hospital bills, lawyers fee's, and penalties; Speedy was going to go bankrupt. The players union was not happy at all with the way the LBA had cast Claxton to the side like a bad egg.
President Derek Fisher and First Vice President Adonal Foyle came at the LBA with the wrath of El Nino. End result it seems that any LBA player with over 6 bastard children get an monthly Child support stipend of 70% of money owed. This Stipend also has to be paid my the Player's team, is not reported during contract negotiations, and is counted against the Hard Cap.
So it seems like this wasn't an error of numbers on Boomer Purser's part, but another way of the LBA Players Association getting more for the over paid, pampered, employees called players.
Harry Nuczak conducted many interviews with multiple parties involved, here are the comments:
Nuczak: So Coach Purser was your job ever in jeopardy during this taboggle.
Purser: No, I don't think so. Although at one point Jenna did tell me if I lost draft picks, that she'd have my balls. I didn't know weather I should be scared or excited. I love her work.
Nuczak: Ms. Jamison, what did you think when you first heard of this Hard-cap violation by your team.
______________________________
Jenna Jamison: I couldn't believe it at first. Coach Purser new the rules. We discussed them time and time again. He knew them better then anyone. He also made sure I knew them, so I wouldn't make any mistakes. Their where times when he would just come in my office and drill me all night.
Nuczak: So when league Commish threatend the 2 draft pick penalty what went through your mind.
Jenna Jamison: I was ready to fight it tooth and nail. I don't lay down for anyone. There's times I'm willing to bend over a little, but I don't lay down for just anyone. I mean that's just to much for me to swallow, and I've taken some loads before.
Nuczak: Wow, you said a lot there.
________________________________
Nuczak: Speedy, what do you think about being taken of the Heat roster and not being paid.
Claxton: I'm just saying, if I'm not getting paid neither are my kids. So basically the LBA managers don't care about kids. I mean I should have never been a free agent anyway. This isn't about winning basketball games it's about the future of our world.
Nuczak: What, I'm not following. If your saying it should be the leagues responsibility to put you on a roster, so your children are taken care of, still with really no help from you; I'd say that's a lot of BS.
Claxton: Bitch, I don't care what you think. That's why your asking the questions and I wear the jersey. Don't forget your place.
Nuczak: As far as I know, at this moment I'm the one with the job and your still not on a team and still not providing for your children.
Claxton: I'll slap the white off you honkey. I don't even know if them kids are all mine. I was only with they Mama like 20 minutes.
Nuczak: I guess that's why they call you Speedy. By the way all the test showed they where yours.
__________________________________
Nuczak: So _____ ______ (LBA leader that wished not to be named) how do you feel about this ruling in favor of the Players Association for the Child Support Stipend.
LBA Leader: When I first heard of it, I wasn't so sure, but after Mr. Foyle approached me and fill in the details, I knew it was a must have.
Nuczak: Really, Cause it sounds like crap to the rest of the world. Is it true you have a man crush on Adonal Foyle.
LBA Leader: What, that is untrue. I just think he is a very good leader and has the potential to be the best Center the LBA has ever seen. We need players like him.
Nuczak: O.K. Potential, but really He's never been really good at anything but packing people, which is basically what he did to the LBA administration, only from behind.
LBA Leader: How dare you speak to me like that. This interview is over.
_________________________________________
Nuczak: Dr. Frankfurter, how did all this affect you.
Dr. Frankfurter: It didn't Harry. I'm just a sweet Transvestite, Transsexual, from Transylvania, ia ia.
Nuczak: WHAT???, So, what did you suggest to Jenna. What are you doing, please sit down.
_________________________________________
We have no idea what happened next. Then interview ended, and this article was mailed to us. When ever we have more information on Harry Nuczak's wear abouts, well get it out.
Until then dress for summer cause the Heat is rising.
